Goodness abounds...

Is anyone looking for the perfect way to embarrass yourself at work, school, or even waiting in line at the grocery store?  I dare any of you to watch this video and NOT have tears instantly stream down your face.  What a great story, truly.

Ostrich pillow...wha???

Wow, I've been out of the blogging loop for a long time.  A long, looonnngg time.  It's almost like I've had my head in the sand, like...what's that animal called?  Oh right, an ostrich.  Wouldn't it be nice if we could somehow replicate the peace and quiet an ostrich must experience when they stick their head in a hole? What's that?  Someone's figured out a way??  Victory!!!

All I know is, if I had had this pillow at the beginning of school, I would have been much more rested, and therefore a much better student.  I think I'm going to suggest this to the school as a welcome gift for each student.  No more white coat ceremony-ostrich pillows for all!!

Yes, this is very real.  And yes, you may purchase it for me here. Christmas is just around the corner, you know.

Stupid Aversion Therapy

Do you guys remember that episode of MASH where there's this dog that hangs around Rosie's Bar and Father Mulcahy cures it of drinking alcohol by giving it nothing else but TONS of beer until it's sick of the very sight (and smell) of booz and runs away from a freshly poured bowl of beer? Well, why hasn't that happened yet for me with Thin Mints and Samoas? I'm doing my part with the over-eating! How long til the repulsion sets in?

Oh yeah, thanks for the reminder, Mel. And Cadbury Mini Eggs.

Even though I'm not a Dr. Seuss fan...

I know, it's shocking. How can I not like Dr. Seuss?? The whole world LOVES Dr. Seuss! That's probably a discussion for another day...but basically I just don't like his style. Now I know what you're going to say...children have been known to shrivel up and die when they go without a Dr. Seuss bedtime story. The national deficit would disappear if Congress and the President would read Dr. Seuss before each session. 99.9% of all inmates polled say no one ever read them Dr. Seuss stories. All of the world's problems could be solved if the world would just read Dr. Seuss! Well, guess what? I don't like Shel Silverstein either. Oh wait, yes I do. I LOVE "The Giving Tree", and I always will. I guess I just don't like "Where the Sidewalk Ends", "A Light in the Attic", etc. Regardless of all that, this poem struck me as funny.

Oh The Things You Can Fill

Dr. Seuss on Pharmacy, Author unknown

Oh the things you can fill

For the folks who are ill.

With your bright shiny spatula

Oh, what a thrill.

Besmocked and bedecked

Out in Pharmacist clothes,

Knowing all of the things

That a Pharmacist knows.

You're quick and efficient,

You're sharp and inventive.

It also just happens

You're anal retentive.

You read slips of paper

To get the specifics

From doctors who scribble out

Strange hieroglyphics.

Could it be Celebrex?

Or maybe Celexa

It might be a Z-Pack,

It might be Zyprexa.

And you bill by computer

AWP

Minus 15 percent

Plus a buck twenty-three.

You fill and you bill

And you feel so dejected

'Cause half of your claims

Are being rejected.

So you pick up the phone

While computerized voices

Keep you waiting forever

Explaining the choices.

Press 1 for directions.

Or maybe it's 2.

Push 'pound' for a message

Oh, what should you do.

Then you pour out the pills

On your pill counting tray

And you count, and you count,

And you count pills all day.

You count them by fives

To the rhythm and beat

Of the songs that you learned

On Sesame Street.

And the customers gripe

And complain while you're fillin'.

Could it be the whole world

Is on 'Grouchacillin?'

"My pills are too big

And my co-pay's too high!

Take it four times a day?

I cannot comply!"

Then you scarf down your sandwich

In one single bite,

Which if done in a restaurant

Would be impolite.

But a Doc's on line one,

Mrs. Jones on line two.

She has 500 pills,

Will you cut them in two?

And the drug reps, they tap

On your counter, tap, tap.

To give you their spiel

Plus a load of free crap!

There's pens and there's post-its,

There's free stuff galore.

But the really cool clock's

For the doc who's next door.

Then ol' Mrs. Snifflemore

Gives you that smile

And you know once again

That it's almost worthwhile.

So you hang up your smock

And put down your free pen.

Tomorrow you'll do it

All over again.

Oh the things you will fill

For the folks who are ill.

With your bright shiny spatula

Oh, what a thrill!

Goodbye youth...

Here's just a few reasons how I know I'm becoming a grown-up:

1. I love to eat vegetables. Grown-up ones like squash, zucchini, broccoli, spinach, peas...all the things I hated as a kid.

2. My night is over at 9:00. Period. That doesn't mean I'm asleep by then (wouldn't that be lovely?) but rather that I would simply laugh in the face of any friend calling to say, "We're going to see this movie and then build a bonfire and then watch the meteor shower that starts at 3:00 in the morning, and maybe stop off at IHOP on the way home. Then we'll go home and sleep for few hours before getting up to go to that all-day event that starts at 10:00 tomorrow."

You get the picture.

3. Often times I prefer listening to talk radio or *gasp* NO radio. There's not a whole lot of music on the radio worth listening to these days.

4. I LOVE documentaries. Really, I do. And it doesn't matter if they're about history, nature and ecology, science, fashion, sports, politics, food, culture, or the rise of the underdog. It helps that we're too poor to go to movies like we used to, and that Netflix has a plethora of documentaries ready to watch at any moment. Here's just a few that I've watched. The King of Kong (I loved, loved, LOVED this one!), Pulling John (who knew Salt Lake was home to such a champion?), Grey Gardens (talk about your hoarders, wow), Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead (I'm this close to investing in an industrial juicer!), Food, Inc. and at this very moment I'm watching A State of Mind. It is almost inconceivable to hear the citizens of North Korea say that any suffering their country has experienced or will experience is due entirely to the United States and the United States alone. Though that's not what the movie is about. It's really about training for a HUGE, crazily-choreographed show that is put on each year. Truly fascinating.

5. I drive slowly through neighborhoods. There's small kids out there, you know.

6. My Christmas season is quite complete without eating a single candy cane.

7. I worry about things like bills and taking on massive student debt, instead of buttering up my parents to pay tuition like I did in the early days. (It's nice being one of the youngest, and therefore, more spoiled.)

8. I'd rather eat oatmeal for breakfast than Lucky Charms. I can still enjoy a sugary bowl of the Charms, but just not as a start to my day.

9. I think it's rewarding to pull weeds in my garden, although I would rather they not grow at all.

10. When we went to Disney World last summer, I preferred the slow "floating boat" rides like "It's a Small World" to any of the roller coasters-too fast and jerky for me.