My Stress Barometer

Stress...lovely, lovely stress. I believed I'd experienced it before, I really did. I mean, everyone gets stressed, no one's life is free of complications, and everyone's been pushed to their limit, right? I was certain I knew the boundaries of that limit, but Spring Semester just barrelled right through it and kept on sailing. I survived, but only just BARELY, and now I can say that I'm half a pharmacist-I'm a pharm! YAY!!!

So, I'm going to share one of my deepest, darkest secrets: I'm a stress plucker. It's true. When things get tough, the tweezers get goin'. The more stressed I feel, the thinner my eyebrows are. I'd expound a little more, but what else is there to say? Here's what I looked like during the last two weeks of school...

What? You thought I'd post an ACTUAL picture of freakish-looking me? How little you know me, my friends. How little indeed. Why bother? Natalie Portman gives a great demonstration of how normally gorgeous people turn instantly freaky without eyebrows, so imagine the results when the person (ie-me) is just ok-looking. YIKES. (I have no idea if she really was ever "eyebrowless" or if it's just photoshopped.) And, a little FYI, did you know that Mona Lisa didn't have eyebrows? Well, at least not at the particular time that she sat for this somewhat famous painting...
I thought about spilling my secret here on the blog during the height of my affliction, but then I decided it was wiser to not tip people off. So instead, I painstakingly drew them in each day, and from far away they looked so-so but it became very obvious once you got up close that they were only 2D eyebrows. I think some people noticed. I could see it in their faces, but they never said anything about it. Emily Post would be so proud!

Seeing as how I could now choose for my eyebrows to look anyway I wanted, I considered all the options. Here are just a few...

These are actually a nice shape, but clearly drawn on and VERY dark:

These are pencil thin and WAY too close together:

This is a good option for all the "Hollywood in the 30's" parties I'm always invited to:
Again, pencil thin and WAY too close together, among other things:
Check out these geometric beauties-a math teacher's dream!
All I have to say is...wow:

Finally, this poor sweet girl. You can tell she's really trying but...honey, no one's eyebrows grow that far apart and that hook-shaped:

Let me ask a question, and I'd really like to know your opinions. What do you think of makeup tattoos? I've NEVER imagined myself as the type to get a tattoo, but now I'm not so sure. I mean, suppose I fall victim to this sort of calamity again?? It'll cut out the extra time I had to set aside each morning for precise stenciling and eliminate all the worrying I've done that I'd accidentally rub my face and smudge something at some point during the day. Here's a stunning before and after shot...nice eyebrows, huh? I don't think I'd bother with the eyes or lips, but the eyebrows are really tempting!

Or there's always this tattooing option. Evan's reaction to this shot was classic..."Man, she clearly didn't have any good friends to tell her beforehand how stupid an idea that was."

Do you have any idea how hard it is to wait for your eyebrows to grow back? Luckily, I haven't had too many social engagements over the last 6 weeks, so I've been able to wait it out in private. Phew! But don't worry, I'm well on my way to looking like I used to. For those of you who may not quite remember, here's a photo to jog your memory:

And last but not least, a clip for you to enjoy. We love Arrested Development around here, and Evan sure loved being able to tease me for the last few months that I was Stan Sitwell.

Tiffany's Little Known Pride and Joy...Ogden!

How in the world did I make it through the 80's without seeing this little beauty? Oh yeah, because we didn't have cable when I was growing up. And then even when my parents succumbed to cable, they had MTV blocked for the first few years. Anywho, for your viewing pleasure, I present Tiffany's music video of "I Think We're Alone Now", mostly filmed around Ogden! A few spots you might recognize include the once-great and now extinct Ogden City Mall, Union Station, the Ogden Airport, and 25th Street.

Here's just some of my favorite must-see moments:

~0:00 Of course I TOTALLY love that the video opens on the sign from the Ogden City Mall, but the magic really happens when the camera pans down to show a stagehand unloading sound equipment. No, make that a smoking hot stagehand with awesome hair/beard, sporting some manly Daisy Dukes.

~1:10-a couple of hotties doing some serious crowd control. I mean, I don't even want to think about what could have happened if they hadn't been there to hold back the crowd.

~2:31-WOW!!! Who knew that old men with sweaty, flapping comb-overs could still move like that??? Impressive!

~3:19-This clearly wasn't her first time working it on the wing of an airplane. That kind of natural sexiness just can't be taught.

~4:04-I imagine the direction went a little like this... Director: "Ok, when I say go, start pointing to each letter in the sign. Try to stay on beat with the music, like a heartbeat. Wait a minute...isn't there a line in the song that says something about heartbeats? It'll be perfect!"

Simple Math...Evan+Seven=Heaven

I know you've seen this before, but here it is once more just because I love it so much.


I can't believe it's been seven years already! WOW! I love you, Evan!!!

I've been waiting all winter to show off this beauty!!!

Now that I've found my suit for the summer, who's ready to hit the beach with me? Someone in my family probably already has 3 of them...you know who you are, im-Kay.

They're going fast, but don't worry! Those of you who sew like the wind can order the pattern, whip up a matching set for you and your kids, strut around the neighborhood, and then charge your neighbors an arm and a leg for a set of their own because they didn't pay attention in 8th grade home-ec. SUCKAS!!! Who's laughing now???

You can check them out here, but don't fall into the trap like I did! I know it's tempting, but set your cell phone alarm or an egg-timer or something to make sure you walk away from the computer before you've spent a month's worth of grocery money on new swimmies. Unless of course, your husband is as great as mine. He said he'd gladly eat dry top ramen for a month just to see me in a few of these. (I may have spent the grocery money and the utility money. We can't even boil water, but I'm worth it!)

Why are kids so awesome?

The last two years I've helped out with a balloon fundraiser, and for several months now I've been searching high and low for deals on latex and mylar balloons. For the most part I was only able to find generic "Happy Valentine's Day" mylars to sell, like this:



but I happened upon these two darling monkey bunches that my friend and I gave our husbands:


When we were getting ready to deliver the bouquet to my neighbor's husband at his work, her little 4 year old girl said, "I think I know why you're giving my dad a monkey in his underpants...it's because my dad sleeps in his underpants!"

And that's why kids are awesome. Happy Valentine's Day!

P.S. Last year I gave Evan this frog, and it just might be my favorite ever. A monkey in underpants is pretty cute, but how can you beat a frog in a red argyle sweater?