Stupid Aversion Therapy

Do you guys remember that episode of MASH where there's this dog that hangs around Rosie's Bar and Father Mulcahy cures it of drinking alcohol by giving it nothing else but TONS of beer until it's sick of the very sight (and smell) of booz and runs away from a freshly poured bowl of beer? Well, why hasn't that happened yet for me with Thin Mints and Samoas? I'm doing my part with the over-eating! How long til the repulsion sets in?

Oh yeah, thanks for the reminder, Mel. And Cadbury Mini Eggs.

Even though I'm not a Dr. Seuss fan...

I know, it's shocking. How can I not like Dr. Seuss?? The whole world LOVES Dr. Seuss! That's probably a discussion for another day...but basically I just don't like his style. Now I know what you're going to say...children have been known to shrivel up and die when they go without a Dr. Seuss bedtime story. The national deficit would disappear if Congress and the President would read Dr. Seuss before each session. 99.9% of all inmates polled say no one ever read them Dr. Seuss stories. All of the world's problems could be solved if the world would just read Dr. Seuss! Well, guess what? I don't like Shel Silverstein either. Oh wait, yes I do. I LOVE "The Giving Tree", and I always will. I guess I just don't like "Where the Sidewalk Ends", "A Light in the Attic", etc. Regardless of all that, this poem struck me as funny.

Oh The Things You Can Fill

Dr. Seuss on Pharmacy, Author unknown

Oh the things you can fill

For the folks who are ill.

With your bright shiny spatula

Oh, what a thrill.

Besmocked and bedecked

Out in Pharmacist clothes,

Knowing all of the things

That a Pharmacist knows.

You're quick and efficient,

You're sharp and inventive.

It also just happens

You're anal retentive.

You read slips of paper

To get the specifics

From doctors who scribble out

Strange hieroglyphics.

Could it be Celebrex?

Or maybe Celexa

It might be a Z-Pack,

It might be Zyprexa.

And you bill by computer

AWP

Minus 15 percent

Plus a buck twenty-three.

You fill and you bill

And you feel so dejected

'Cause half of your claims

Are being rejected.

So you pick up the phone

While computerized voices

Keep you waiting forever

Explaining the choices.

Press 1 for directions.

Or maybe it's 2.

Push 'pound' for a message

Oh, what should you do.

Then you pour out the pills

On your pill counting tray

And you count, and you count,

And you count pills all day.

You count them by fives

To the rhythm and beat

Of the songs that you learned

On Sesame Street.

And the customers gripe

And complain while you're fillin'.

Could it be the whole world

Is on 'Grouchacillin?'

"My pills are too big

And my co-pay's too high!

Take it four times a day?

I cannot comply!"

Then you scarf down your sandwich

In one single bite,

Which if done in a restaurant

Would be impolite.

But a Doc's on line one,

Mrs. Jones on line two.

She has 500 pills,

Will you cut them in two?

And the drug reps, they tap

On your counter, tap, tap.

To give you their spiel

Plus a load of free crap!

There's pens and there's post-its,

There's free stuff galore.

But the really cool clock's

For the doc who's next door.

Then ol' Mrs. Snifflemore

Gives you that smile

And you know once again

That it's almost worthwhile.

So you hang up your smock

And put down your free pen.

Tomorrow you'll do it

All over again.

Oh the things you will fill

For the folks who are ill.

With your bright shiny spatula

Oh, what a thrill!